Wednesday, April 4, 2012

In the country

So, I'm staying in the country at the moment, and there's not much for me to do here except for be extremely scared that a snake is going to jump up at me and attack. Of course, if I wasn't so afraid of the phallic satanic reptiles I would have a lot to do in the country, but alas I am forced to hibernate (ew another snake term) inside and ramble on about how much I hate snakes. I did take Janaha's car out yesterday while she was at work. Before I dropped her off she drove me from her work to the park I was at about three times to show me exactly how to get to the park, I even went so far to write the directions in my iphone (I say iphone instead of phone just so you know that I have an iphone and a very serious relationship with Siri). Ok, so what was a 500 metre drive took me 25 minutes of being lost. If anyone now wants an extensive tour of Grafton I can show you around. Trust me though, you don't want an extensive tour of Grafton; unless you're really into grass and roads and cows. The good stuff (what a dull adjective) is further out, and you might even be lucky enough to see a kangaroo or wallaby (I still can't tell the difference. Wallabies are smaller, but I just keep thinking they're baby kangaroos). Anyway, after half a tank of petrol I found the park and went for a 9km run. During this I jumped at every stick I saw along the way afraid that it was a giant snake ready to pounce at me. Then I thought, what if I run with a giant speaker to scare them away like I saw in that Simpsons episode. After some thinking I realised that has the opposite affect and brings them closer. Or, it could actually be the other way around, I'm not too sure.

Anyway, this story is taking a long time to tell, considering not much even happens in my story. And, this is not the point of the blog. I have a point of this blog which I will get to. After returning to the park I read some of the Ellen book (really good, even if you're not a homo. Don't expect a life changing journey, but it's just a fun read). Before I knew it, it was time to pick Jah up from work. Ok, so I was so proud of my ability to drive her big car (it probably has a proper name, of which I don't know what that is), that I was ridiculously eager to show her how well I went in not crashing it. Of course, me being me, that didn't get to happen, because the damn thing wouldn't even start. After phonecalls to Jah I realised that the battery was dead, because for some reason that I can not answer I turned the lights on while driving in broad daylight (I may have not indicated at all therefore) and left them on during my snake fearing run. Yes, for those who are asking, "didn't the car have some beeping noise telling you the lights were on?" yes it did. I firstly assumed this noise meant my seatbelt wasn't on, and then I thought that it meant the door wasn't shut. Believe it or not, it's really hard to tell that you've left lights on in broad daylight when you didn't even realise they were on in the first place. So that was my journey into 'town' (I say 'town' because that's what old people and people from the country call the shops. It reminds me of when nanna and poppa used to say we were going to town when we went to the city).

Ok, so now I am cooped up in the house, wishing I could go outside, but know that a (whatever it is that you call a groupful of snakes) of snakes will be waiting for me. I have done a lot of fishing in the country. I have even caught a T-Rex fish, an octopus, and a hammerhead shark. My iphone is dead at the moment though, so no more fishing for a while. And now I give you a question that has been on my mind for about, oh, 5 years.

Q. How come the person that makes people never runs out of facial combinations causing us to look exactly the same over time? I mean, think about all the facial combinations. There are noses, eyes, mouths, eyebrows, ears, hair, and then other things like freckles, jaw line, etc. Eventually though, surely they will run out of combinations. I mean, since the beginning of time there would have been billions of people. That detective game I played as a kid where you make the faces only allowed for about 30 different combinations by the time you mix it up in every possible way. This confuses me. One day I will come across my dopple, and be like 'woah, I totally knew they would run out of combinations. Damn girl you are good looking'. After a lot of deliberation, and thinking about whether I would hook up with my self if given the chance, I have come to the conclusion that I would not be friends with my dopple. I mean, of course it would be ridiculously good looking, but it would not be my type. It would not look like Lauren Graham (Gilmore Girls) or Kate Winslet, or just to keep her happy Janaha (jokes babe, you're totally hotter then Lauren Graham). And, it would of course be very smart, but with my intelligence also comes a lot of arrogance (this is clearly evident by the knowledge of my intelligence). Therefore, I would hate myself. I would think, damn you're arrogant and full of yourself. Thirdly, it would have my humour. That I would love, there would be a lot of high fiving.

I am gonna go now. I have a truckload of essays to mark (not literally a truckload, that would have involved me driving a truck to Grafton). Thanks for reading, or skimming, or just staring at something you know I have written because you have formed a stalkerish obsession with me. Don't worry, you're only human. x

Leaving you with a country appropriate song.

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